Shoots , heat and weight

Photo by Wolfshead photography

So again, I haven't been posting much,mostly because I have been doing more art modeling things than photography... Would you like to see and hear about  some of that as well?

Friday,I had my first shoot in a while ,  the themes were "Superheroes" and " Gothic " pinup.
Michael ( the photographer) sent me this little teaser from the Gothic section.

What you can't see, is that I was melting, totally.  It was 91 according to the the thermometer in my car, Michael's studio is on the third floor, and only partially air conditioned ( the bathroom and front room, where we shot was not...this one, shot in the garage, even MORE not conditioned...probably 110 in there at least) I am sure that my face got red, even with the makeup, and was having to blot my face CAREFULLY, so as not to smudge makeup.  Heat is not my friend, was not my friend.... go ahead, try to get a full spandex body suit on, while sweaty.  I dare you...to say it as a little difficult, whew!  
Don't get me wrong, Michael is an awesome guy, and I had a good time, but extreme heat ( or for that matter cold) DOES make things much more difficult.  ( though it also made us go faster, to finish up....but that is not always a good thing, as there were poses that in retrospect, I would have wanted to try, but it was just so hot. ) So here is a word to the wise.... outside shoots, one expects to be uncomfortable because of heat or cold or rain or water, but inside....comfort should be taken into consideration. So Michael, as much as I like you... if we work together again, full summer would not be best time to do it in.

You may ask why I have not been shooting so much?
2 reasons really. One is that I am looking for more paid work- not that I won't do TFP, but it needs to be a concept that I haven't done before- something new...something that I have really been wanting to do...and most of those ideas are pretty conceptual.  The second reason, is that I had a bit of time where I got lazy with my eating and my exercise...and I gained weight...So I have beefed up my working out again , and paying more attention to food, so that, I will be able to see my ab muscles again.( not to mention, get into all ready waiting to be shot wardrobe)
Yes, let me make it clear, I do love my body, and I am fairly amazed at the things it has done BUT just because I love it, doesn't mean it can't be better- doesn't mean I stop striving...I had a hiccup, it happens, now it's back at it .    

Body Image

Photo by : Bill K

I have said before that I am comfortable in my own skin.... and I am. But that doesn't mean that there aren't parts of my body that I look at and say "Ug,need to work on that"   That I am not still striving to make my body the best it can be.... not compared to somebody else ( though I won't lie, there are people out there that yes, I  think things like " wish I had those arms /abs, legs"..but I am perfectly aware that my body may very well just be different...and I accept that - other people's bodies don't  obsess me. ) 

There are parts of my body that make me glad for Photoshop. ( yes, you know it gets used....not extensively , but yes, my images go through post production, except for a very few) 

You may ask what? What do you work on?  First, I try to pay attention to what and how I eat ( do I fall down sometimes? Of course! I love junk food just as much as the next person....but I do TRY to limit it to one cheat day a week....and even then,I don't go totally nuts.... I may have a muffin, or some ice cream, or chips.... I don't go to the all you can eat buffet and have several plates mounded with food PLUS desserts and drinks.  I try to even keep my cheat days under some control. 

I exercise ( I try every day, but it usually does fall somewhere between 3 and 6 times a week) 30 min to an hour, with an occasional 1.5 hours.... but that is usually something like Yoga or Pilates . 

I will share with you my body demons.... the spots that I never am QUITE happy with.  I tell myself that they are BETTER, but then I tell myself they could still be better.  I don't obsess...it doesn't consume my every waking moment , but during a shoot, I think about them,and the ways to make them look their best ( posing really is half the battle , right there) 

My arms.... I come from sturdy German ( and Irish, Dutch, Welsh, English, French,  and Cherokee) stock.  Many women in my family are busty and have very sturdy, no nonsense arms. On one hand, they are strong, I have made them so, I can carry rocks, dig holes,heave things around without very much trouble.  On the other hand, my upper arms are thick, and at the moment, not as defined as I would like.  I continue to work on that.  

The eternal woman's lament... My thighs and butt.  I am not looking for "the gap" or the "hip bridge" ( though I do almost actually have the bridge) But that spot at the inner thigh....it's just so....jiggly.  My Butt, I miss the perky butt of my youth.  ( don't we all) But again, this legs and butt can run a 5 K , and a 10 minute ( sometimes better) mile.  They can climb, and jump and bend and carry this body of mine.... as well as a fair amount more( I have forgotten how much I squatted, last time I did, but it was a fair amount considering my size)  

Those little pockets of fat, near the back..between the butt and the back....you know the ones, the ones that overflow with tight jeans like froth, the muffin top I guess.  Fat.... you can't spot lose fat.  It goes away when it wants to.  You can spot tone muscle,but the fat that lays on top of that.... It comes off only with all over fat burning. The cardio, the tabata, the diet.  One may lose fat in their face first, or their boobs.  Their arms or their hips.... it all depends on your own body ,and one must be patient with it.  

I used to really want longer legs,but art modeling, believe it or not helped me over that hurdle.  There are standard human proportions, in height, in width, in the length of an arm a leg or a hand.  They, obviously vary in real life from person to person. I have found that the typical ones in the books( 8 heads high, with the legs, hip to toe ,at 4 high, three heads wide at the shoulder) I have them.... I have the classic human female proportions,and that isn't a bad thing... it helps me to be a better teaching tool, and I am pretty sure, helps get me call backs.    

As far as goals go- I want to improve definition, ( everywhere)  I want to see that I have muscles....darn it, I am working hard for them, I want to see them! My goal is not to look like a body builder....I don't want a diet or a lifestyle that extreme. ( and yes, those ladies WORK HARD for that - I respect them immensely,and there is beauty in that level of athleticism) My goal is to be strong,and be healthy, and for it to show. I am a work in progress, and probably will be the rest of my life.  But really it isn't about  reaching the goal, it is about working towards the goal, once you have set it.   

Just because I model, doesn't mean I am immune to body image issues, and might be MORE likely to deal with them, just because the whole business is so focused on that.... I still look in the mirror someday and am surprised by what I see in it.... I do not expect to see a body that is this size....I expect bigger, significantly bigger. But that doesn't mean I can stop, not for any decent length of time....health and weight-loss, doesn't just STOP...it is ongoing and must continue your whole life,if you are to improve or even just maintain. It is so worth it though.  Your heart, your brain, your entire body  will thank you,and run the better for it.     

     

     

Losing weight

I have,over the years, and again yesterday , have people wonderingly ask about my "secret" to losing weight.  "How did you do it? "
Well, there are several things that went into it...let me start at the beginning ( more or less)

I was not a chunky child or teenager , in fact as a child, I was PAINFULLY thin.The biggest things on legs were my knees ( and feet) I was VERY active, though clumsy ( ADHD you know) and this continued into High School.  Even though,because of the developing of Exercise Induced Asthma and really bad knee joints, the activity level dropped off.  I took art instead of gym, I wrote instead of running.
I didn't gain weight though ....even though I ate like most teenagers do...terrible food and a lot of it.
I was what I now know as "skinny fat" very little muscle tone,but still small ( size 5-6,and about 115-120 at 5'4)  This continued well into my 20's .  I would periodically have bouts of attempted workouts, though after a doctor told me I "didn't have the joints" to be athletic, I kind of stopped, other than walking and being active in gardening,cleaning, chores and such.

Weight creeped up, as it does in adult hood. I was in a size 8-10 and 135 when I got pregnant with my daughter in 2000...and after her ,and trying to lose the baby weight I was at about 140.  Again, with not much muscle to speak of...I briefly dropped down into the 130 range with the Atkin's diet.

In 2009 I was 150.

    When I became a surrogate mother in 2010, I started the journey at 160....and ended it at about 195.

So,there we are, end of 2010, 200 lbs. ( there are no pictures of me from this point)
My back hurt, my knees hurt, I was depressed for more than one  reason,as well as it being an ongoing battle in my life.
I told myself, that I needed to make a change, for me.   I wanted my daughter to see the advantage of being mentally healthy and physically healthy. I wanted to prove that I COULD, that I WOULD.
So, when I felt I was able ( about 6-7 weeks after the c-section) I dug out an old workout DVD.  I popped it in, and I did it.  It was an hour long,I made it about half of that.  It was belly dancing ( in retrospect, not the best beginning, after a c-section,  considering) I could barely walk back up my basement stairs, my legs were so week, I almost puked, twice.  But I went back the next day, and did it again, and again, and again.  I added more DVD'd to my collection. More dance ( ballet, Bollywood, hula, Brazilian , hip hop) Martial arts, Yoga, Pilates, Budicon,  Sword fighting, kickboxing, kettelbell, Cardio, Circuit training , HIT, Strength, Tai Chi,  Piloxing.  The DVD's got harder, and more intense.  I started running a couple times a week( more like a really slow jog at first) I ran 1 mile, 2 miles, eventually up to 3.  I ran my first 5 K....I ran the whole way and finished.  My second, I finished in the middle of my pack of age mates...My third, I got third place in my age group.  We got an exercise bike, I do that in the winter with weights, or just to mix things up. I started snowshoeing this winter.
I do all kinds of things, so I don't get bored, either in body or mind.

Because of the depression when I started, I was not eating well, AT ALL. But I did force myself to eat.  It wasn't much, but I made a point of trying to be low carb ( not because of Atkins...I just run better over all that way) organic, un processed foods. Fruits, veggies, meat, nuts and seeds. I never was a big pop drinker, so I didn't have that to worry about, but I cut out fruit juice,and drank water or tea. ( I have a host of food allergies, so things like wheat, dairy, chocolate and pork are automatically off the table)

Gradually, the depression lifted, The weight came off.  I liked how I felt, I like how I looked.  By August of 2011, I had met my 3rd goal of "medically" healthy weight of 121, and a size 5( my first was to get to prepregnancy weight, then, it was to be the weight on my drivers licence...130) .

Since then my weight has gone up and down a bit...heaviest 135, lowest 115.  Even at the heaviest, I still was no larger than a size 2 jean....so I think some of that is muscle changes....since muscle weighs more than fat, and takes up less space.

I still eat well ( but allow some cheats...you have to to keep sane) and work out between 4 and 6 times a week. Typically for about an hour...though on rushed days it can be half of that. My depression is lifted, my ADHD symptoms are under control....I feel good.

So.... no secret....no magic bullet, no pill or supplement magically did this. I did.  You can too, if you want.